Remember when you were a little kid, and you’d be all pumped up for that upcoming playdate with your friend from school? You’d carefully select your favorite toys to bring—some you’d let them use, and others that maybe you just wanted to show off. Or, maybe one of the big draws of going over to your friend’s spot was that they had the best toys? The ones your parents wouldn’t buy you despite your persistent whining?
The thing is, sex toys shouldn’t be any different. Vibrators and dildos are perfect tools for self-love, but they can also be a great way to maximize pleasure with a partner. We’ve heard from some of our subscribers who have male partners that their s/o doesn’t like the fact that they’re stockpiling vibes, or that their boo isn’t interested in incorporating these types of toys into the bedroom. If you don’t have a regular partner, it might feel weird to show up on a date with a vibrator in your purse, even though it’s something you’ve always wanted to try. In either scenario, these are common anxieties. Let’s take a deeper dive into why we may be feeling the way we are and how to get over the hump of introducing your new fave toy in the bedroom!
There’s a mutual fear going on. From the woman’s perspective, she may be embarrassed to express what she really wants (this extends far beyond the use of sex toys—I mean, the orgasm gap is REAL y’all) and from the male’s perspective, he may feel intimidated. I get it: vibrators and other toys that are designed for women’s pleasure are powerful and oooooh so effective. In a dude’s mind, he could feel like his dick, or his mouth, or hands, feet, whatever, should be enough. From what I’ve gathered talking to other babes, this issue is way more common in hetero relationships and encounters. If your partner is feeling intimidated by your toy, try mutual masturbation to start: have them touch themselves while you use your toy on yourself—brownie points for maintaining eye contact.
The idea of introducing sex toys in the bedroom can feel intimidating. If your partner has a hang up about your toys, it’s important to remember that a vibrator will never replace whatever anatomical tools your partner is rocking—they’ll just enhance ‘em. Think about a tool box—why limit what’s in there when you’re not quite sure what you’ll need for the job? Let your partner know he/she/them is irreplaceable, and a toy is just something new you wanna try!
Having great sex is all about open conversation. Don’t be afraid to start the dialogue with your partner: you can even try slipping it into dirty talk if that’s something you’re more comfortable with. Even if you feel embarrassed for a second, if it means better or more orgasms for you, then the cost-benefit analysis there is pretty obvious. Plus, it’s empowering AF to show your partner how you like to use your favorite vibes on yourself, and chances are they’ll be vibing with it pretty hard.
It can be easier to start small. If this is your first time introducing sex toys in the bedroom, reach for your cute lil bullet vibe before working your way up to the massive sparkly one that has 10 different speed settings. This will ease your partner into the experience, plus you can use it on your clit while he/she/them is inside you, or as a kinky way to enhance foreplay.
The most important takeaway here is that toys aren’t a threat! Toys are meant to be played with, to be interacted with and to make sex fun in different ways. Get into it—be shameless about your pleasure, babes, because you’re so beyond worth it and your partner should obvi be down with that.