Sex education comes in many forms, but there’s nothing quite like talking about orgasms with a group of women on a Saturday night (standard). These conversations are a great and very real way to learn more about how magical, amazing and unique vaginas are. The fact that we all have such distinctive experiences with our physiological responses to pleasure further highlights how beautifully complex we are. Personally, I only cum from clitoral stimulation, and it’s rare that I’ll actually cum with a partner unless that person really knows and understands my clit. One of my gal pals from high school, though, only has internal (g-spot) orgasms, and cums every time. This babe even orgasms in certain yoga poses, but clitoral stimulation does next to nothing for her.
In our quest to understand our own bodies and vaginas, it’s always interesting to hear about other women’s journeys and what they’ve learned along the way. The real purpose here is to start a dialogue about one topic that so many of us don’t seem to fully understand: squirting.
There’s a lot of conflicting research about what squirting really is, which is made even more complicated by the fact that in general, research on the subject is really lacking. One thing that’s clear from talking to women about this is that squirting has become totally fetishized through its depiction in porn, and that’s not really fair to women who squirt (and to those who don’t).
Squirting is not necessarily the crazy exorcist-esque projectile ejaculation which is so often shown in porn (well, it can go pretty far, but squirting happens in a variety of forms). Squirting is also not something that all women can do, or something that women should feel bad about not being able to do. Squirting is, though, a mixture of fluid from the skene gland (also referred to the female prostate) and some urine. So, no, squirting is not just peeing (another common misconception), although there is urine mixed in the fluid that is produced during a squirting orgasm. The skene gland is located on the upper wall of the vagina, near the lower part of the urethra, although not all women have this gland.
Since I love talking to my friends about their vaginas, orgasms, and basically anything involving their experiences with sexual exploration as women (if that’s not already obvious), I decided to ask a friend in particular about her experiences with squirting. She said that she does have squirting orgasms sometimes, and that they’re some of the most powerful ones she has. I asked her how her partners have responded in the moments that she’s squirted during climax:
“I haven’t had a lot of partners who’ve made me squirt, because it’s a very intense orgasm, but the ones who have get really turned on. My earlier partners when I was in undergrad, though, were so confused and kind of grossed out.”
Partners are always going to respond differently to the various things your vagina does during sex—from squirting to queefing and everything in between—and I think the key here is that if a partner makes you feel weird, gross, or anything other than the goddess that you are during sex, that’s a partner that can see themselves OUT.
Other women I’ve spoken to about squirting weren’t really sure about it (Is it pee? Does it only happen in porn? Is there even a medical term for squirting?). I asked my friend who identifies as a squirter what she thinks some of the biggest misconceptions are about squirting:
“I think a common misconception is that squirting is full on projectile and vertical but it’s not the case all the time. I think there’s a spectrum, sometimes it’s very intense and could be that porn-like thing but it’s mostly not. People also think it’s just straight pee but it’s both your cum and pee…I also think that some people think it’s embarrassing but I don’t think it is. It’s a bodily reaction so it’s something natural that exists for some women. Some women have orgasms that are silent, others shake, etc. We’re all so different!”
It’s really true: we are all so different. Whether you squirt or not, it’s so important to invest in self-exploration and in saying BOY BYE (or whoever bye) to partners who make you feel anything other than completely badass for having the vagina that you have.
We’d love to hear your squirting stories/experiences. Shoot us an email at email@example.com if you have something to share on the subject!
Until next time, stay shameless.