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Real Talk: My First Time Masturbating


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When I think about my first time masturbating, two instances come to mind. The first one is the first time I touched myself. The second one is the first time I got myself off. Two scenarios – one common goal – very different outcomes.

There’s no way around it – your first time masturbating is probably going to be awkward af. Mine was, and most women I’ve talked to agree. When I attempted to masturbate for the first time I had 2 thoughts: one, my fingers are too small and this is pointless… and two, I’m not even wet. You see, at the time (I was about 17) I had no proper knowledge of my clit. I knew it was this thing that has a lot of nerve endings, but I didn’t know it is in fact our pleasure source. I didn’t pay attention to my clit because I didn’t know I was supposed to. I dabbled around with my labia and fingered myself, coming up short and frustrated for feeling no arousal whatsoever. Aside from the clit, I also didn’t know lube was a thing. Well, I knew it was a thing, but like most young people I thought it was for “dried up old ladies”, not vibrant young chicks. I think we have Hollywood and pop culture to blame for that. In reality though, lube is simply a way to get wet, fast, and that’s a cause we can all get down with.

The first time I got myself off was a magical experience. I don’t think it would have happened though if I hadn’t had a serious love interest in mind (my supervisor at my internship, and a man much older than me). Thinking about him immediately made me wet and my vagina pulse. Maybe it’s because he was forbidden fruit, or maybe it’s because I was that much in lust with him – which at the time, had mistaken for love. Either way, arousal came easy with the thought of him in mind, so I was halfway there before I even turned on my vibrator. Masturbating becomes a lot less awkward when you fantasize, as opposed to lying there staring at a blank wall with nothing to get you going. It took me probably about 7 minutes to come and when I did, I couldn’t believe it. OH MY GOD I JUST GAVE MYSELF AN ORGASM. I was overcome with joy, and the giggles. You know the first time you smoke pot and you can’t stop laughing? The good ol’ days of getting the giggles and munchies with zero social paranoia…. That’s how I used to get after I’d have an orgasm – overcome with giggles. It was fantastic! And something that I hope comes back to me one day, which I have a feeling it will with the right person and the right orgasm.

My advice to you if you haven’t masturbated before and want to try, or have tried and failed, or have come once but don’t know how to achieve it again, is this:

1. Get out of your head and into your body. If you are obsessing in your head over whether or not you’re going to come, you’re not going to come. Orgasm for women is different than it is for men in that it’s less mechanical and more mental/emotional. If you allow yourself to be in a bad headspace it’s not going to happen. I suggest taking a few moments before you start masturbating to lightly graze your fingertips over different parts of your body – your arms, inner thighs, breasts, stomach, hip bones, pelvis. Simply let yourself feel and it will make all the difference.

2. Set the mood. You better believe that whenever I masturbate I set the mood. My favorite time to masturbate is in the morning in natural light (also my favorite time to have sex), but if it’s at night, I dim the lights, set some candles and light my fire (pun intended). Sometimes, I pull up a picture of J. Cole on my lap top or iPhone. Other times, I turn on music I find sexy (i.e. FKA Twigs). The bottom line is I put effort into creating a mood that will get me in the mood. I have a hard time masturbating when I hear people in the other room. I like to feel alone, in my element, with my thoughts and pictures of famous rappers. To each her own.

3. Don’t be afraid to squeal. This is another reason why I like being alone. I’m a shouter, and I know my face looks crazy – and I’m ok with it. I’ve read before and talked to women who feel they get so close to reaching orgasm but then don’t because they’re self-conscious about the noises or faces they’ll make. FUCK THAT! You think dudes give a shit about what they look like when they come? I don’t think so. I think as girls we feel this pressure to always look cute and be sexy. Well guess what – that’s a hoax – and we can be whatever we want to be. Once you have an orgasm you’ll understand it’s worth any ugly face or freakish noise you could possibly make. Prioritize your pleasure babe, you’re entitled to it just as much as anyone else.

Until next time. Stay shameless.

Christine

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  1. To the comment below - I sincerely apologize that my words were taken out of context. That quote I used - “dried up ol’ hags” - is a direct quote from the movie Superbad, which is why I followed with the statement “I think we have Hollywood to blame for that." I should have put this in quotations so it was clear they were not my words. The point I was trying to make is that movies – such as Superbad – and pop culture in general convey lube as a product that is only meant for older women who suffer from vaginal dryness, which is not the case at all! Lube is a great product for any woman of any age. I have edited my post so that this is clear.

    christine / 2016-11-03 21:24:54

  2. Calling older women "dried up ol' hags" is not only anti-feminist, but also insulting and degrading. For a site trying to promote body positivity and self-love, I'm appalled that you chose to shame older women in such a manner.

    Old Hag / 2016-11-03 09:17:02