If I had a nickel for every time a guy pushed my head down to give him head, I’d be able to buy myself a grande frappachino. If I had a nickel for every time I pushed a guys head down to give me head, I’d be forever making instant coffee.
If I told you that my sex life has been epic, I’d be lying. Actually, it’s been far from epic – but hey, there have been major improvements thanks to sex toys, useful information about female sexuality (i.e. the anatomy of the clit), and more love for my vagina.
When I think about the number of guys I’ve had sex with, or beyond that, the number of times I’ve had sex, the rate in which I’ve orgasmed is about 5%. That’s right – I’m averaging a 5% success rate. While I would need to double the amount of my fingers and toes to count the number of partners I’ve had, I can count on one hand the number of partners who have made me come – 3 guys and 1 girl (thank you – you know who you are). On the flip side, my success rate masturbating was about 90% in the beginning and is now at a solid 100% – making me my best lover. *cue in Beyonce Me, Myself and I is all I got ‘til the end*
The point of this blog post isn’t for me to blab on about how I’ve significantly added to the orgasm gap, it’s to talk why I believe I went so many years and had so many partners and wasn’t being sexually satisfied, while also contracting multiple STIs along the way. In sharing my views with you, I hope you can learn something new about yourself – or be inspired to learn something new about yourself – so that you can make sure you #getyours on your own or from a partner.
Ready for my reason? It’s simple. Sex Education. Where the hell’s it at? It’s been noted time and time again by public health professionals that comprehensive sex education is imperative for healthy sexuality and safer sex, and yet getting it into public schools is still somehow a struggle. Nobody ever talked to me about sex – not my parents, my teachers, my sister, or even my cool Aunt Bonnie. I literally don’t remember sex ed in high school because it had no impact, and because the teacher was the furthest thing from relatable. I know the clitoris was not mentioned in sex ed, and I know we sure as hell didn’t talk about pleasure, or consent, or anything other than “this is how you get pregnant and this is what HIV/AIDS is.” Further, nobody talked to me about the dose of new hormones that comes with getting your period. I had to navigate horniness from 11 years old on my own without any sort of awareness or information. And trust me, I was horny. This lack of education on human sexuality made me feel like an utter freak in years to come. Exploring my sexuality was crippled by naivety and shame – constant shame – mostly by my peers, which stuck with me for a very long time. That’s the thing about shame – it’s powerful as fuck. But we’ll save that for another post.
The point I want to make here is that sex education is so important, and while some people may not give it to you, there are plenty of resources available to you. Just the other day I walked into a Barnes & Noble and picked up myself a copy of Closer by Sarah Barmak, The Elusive Orgasm by Vivienne Cass, and Slow Sex by Nicole Daedone – all books on female sexuality and pleasure.
I know that had I been informed about my body and sex growing up, the chances of me feeling pressured to do something I didn’t want to do would have been much lower, and the chances of me valuing my pleasure and feeling comfortable seeking it would have been much higher.
Until next time. Stay shameless.